Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
