five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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