OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
