Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
