Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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