Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
