guys are only as good as the porn they watch
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
