A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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