I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
