I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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