well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
