i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
