you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's shark week go big or go home
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
