I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
