beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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