If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
