I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
