hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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