Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
