we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
