Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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