After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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