the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
