Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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