it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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