As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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