shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize