somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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