from now on my penis is your penis
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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