Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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