I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
