he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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