chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
