well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
