the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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