I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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