Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
