I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
