i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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