theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
