where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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