Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
