ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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