Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize