Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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