Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
