I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
