watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize