It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
