Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
