I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
