how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
