At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
