About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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