i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
