On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
