He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
