I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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