I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
