dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
