I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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