the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize