too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
