he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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