Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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