Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
