good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
