so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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