I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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