how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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