My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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