its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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