I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
