I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
time to smoke my breakfast
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
