so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
