I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
