Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
