grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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