He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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