in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
