Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize