Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
