So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
