If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
