It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
